i am sparticus: Words

Blame it on the black star

My Bible, My textbook for next year, and Harry Potter

I've been cheering on Henman for ages now, not because he's particullarly wonderful, or because I like tennis, or even because I'm feeling vaguely patriotic. It's just that untill the match is over, the BBC isn't going to show Eastenders. *Update* They aren't putting it on till 9:00 now even though the game finished around 8:40. It's something that really irritates me about the BBC, why couldn't they just bump Eastenders up from BBC1 to BBC2? were some stupid lifestyle program is/was on? They do it with snooker and buffy as well. They could cut out some rubbish "changing lifestyles in the garden" program, and fit the good stuff in. Oh now they are cancelling Spooks, because of Wimbledon. How rubbish.
I will forgive them however, because Steve Lamacq is broadcasting the entire Glastonbury Radiohead set later.

Oh and if the school kids who are rudely posting on the shorts entry below start doing it on another entry, I'll e-mail your school. So nyah.

I Promise I will blog tonight

I only have a hundred pages of Harry Potter left.
I promise I will blog tonight,
I promise I will blog tonight,
I promise I will blog tonight,
I promise I will blog tonight,
I promise I will blog tonight...
Repeat until permenantly engraved into the back of hand

Tap tap tap

Today I heard something, something very amusing.
"well the problem is they just don't make taps like they used to"
Quite.
Now, I had no idea why someone felt it neccessary to say such a thing, but, having thought long and hard about it, I've come up with a variety of tap scenarios that would explain this saying. Needless to say, I've written them all out.

Scenario 1

A hosepipe needed to be attached to the tap, the hosepipe wouldn't fit, someone mentioned how hosepipes always used to fit taps, someone else says "well the problem is they just don't make taps like they used to". The circumstancial evidence is in favour of this explanation, as at the time the saying was being said, a hosepipe was needed. However hosepipes have never ever fitted taps, thus ruling out this suggestion.

Scenario 2

Due to the tap's poor build quality and general "newness", someone had just managed to accidently break it whilst washing their hands. Whilst being sprayed in the face by vast quantities of water which had been suddenly freed from the oppression of totalitarian plumbing devices the person was helpfully informed "well the problem is they just don't make taps like they used to". While I like this scenario because of the phrase "oppression of totalitarian plumbing devices" (which is an awesome phrase), I find it fatally flawed in the department of making sense, as new taps are much less likely to be pulled out by accident.

Scenario 3

The person who made the statement was a former tap-maker. Due to the globalization of the tap industry, and the general downturn in the tap-making industry, they had lost their job, and was thus bitterly angry against the entire modern tap-making world. There was nothing wrong with any nearby modern taps, but he never let that stop him ranting and raving about how rubbish modern taps are. His favourite quote was "well the problem is they just don't make taps like they used to" The problem with this scenario, is that the tap-making industry has been on the rise ever since some clever people decided that every new house has to have about 100 toilets.

Scenario 4

The taps were made of boiled sweets, thus making them practically useless for all service. The man who said the quote had just been to the loo, turned on the taps, and had them stick to his hands due to the high temperatures. As he returned to his seat and explained the gooey mess oh his hands, his friend turned to him and said "well the problem is they just don't make taps like they used to". Now while this scenario may seem crazy, it actually makes the most sense. You see on 27th march 2003, the EU passed a law insisting that all taps be made either inside the EU and under EU trading and safety standards. The only exception to this rule was for taps made of boiled sweets. This was because a little shop in Ladelshmock sold novelty boiled-sweet plumbing equipment, and they were granted licencse to continue to make these sweets under EU directive 301A.b7.II . Because of the cheapness of boiled sweets and the expensiveness of EU standard taps, people have taken to installing boiled sweet taps instead of regular taps.

white t-shirts

Gonna be in a music video! Hopefully, not that I was near the front or owt. But it's pretty cool none the less.

Solomon, Was a Wiseman!

I have to do an Primary School Assembly on Monday, which is generally fun, except for the fact that sometimes you have to do really awkward topics. Ever tried to explain the Tower of Babel to a child? Anyway, today's (or rather this Monday's) topic of awkwardness is Solomon. Who apart from being very wise, building a temple, and sleeping around, didn't really do much exciting stuff. More to the point you can't do an assembly about him with the focus on his faith, love or kindness or any other really tangible quality like that. Well apart from his wisdom, but then his wisdom only really seems to come across in one incident, and I fear that this incident reads far too Trisha like to form the basis of an assembly.
That said, give what kids are learning in schools a story about two prositutes and a baby is hardly going to suprise them

A brief series of links

Paulo >> He said he'd have his new multi-layout-fest website up and running by Monday. I offer you this link in the hope that it's become Monday over there by the time you click on it.
Via Keith Devens >> Gollum won an mtv video award, and gave an acceptance speech it's meant to be hilarious, however I only have a 56k modem. :@
Kinesis >> Have a secret gig going, that's quite a public affair. I'm going. Yeah.

Big Brother 4, W00T!

www.iamsparticus.co.uk/bigbrother
Rock on!

SHORTSSSS!!!

Llast year it was well into July before I wrote my first post about wearing shorts. This year it's only just gone June! Proof that global warming does work. It's good to know that I wasn't driving around collecting old fridges and dropping them off in the beautiful wilderness for nothing.
Anyway, I'll spare you the horror of seeing my legs, I'm nice like that (plus my camera's batteries need recharging).

I've finished the big brother blog design, so if anyone wants to sign up, email/txt or comment or whatever. The more bloggers the better!

Sushi makes me sneezy

Me: Aimlessly bounces basket ball on way to get icecream
Seven Year Old On Swing: "gisurbol"
Me: "huh?"
SYOOS: "givusyouboll"
Me: "What?"
SYOOS: "giv us ago on your boll"
Me: "Oh, my ball. Well you'll have to get off that swing first"
SYOOS: Gets off swing
Me: Gives kid ball
SYOOS: Tries to kick ball onto roof of nearby house, fails spectacularly. He barely clears the playground fence
Me: Picks up ball "did you just try and kick my ball on to the roof of that house?"
SYOOS: "No." pause "can I have another go?"