i am sparticus: Tap tap tap

Tap tap tap

Today I heard something, something very amusing.
"well the problem is they just don't make taps like they used to"
Quite.
Now, I had no idea why someone felt it neccessary to say such a thing, but, having thought long and hard about it, I've come up with a variety of tap scenarios that would explain this saying. Needless to say, I've written them all out.

Scenario 1

A hosepipe needed to be attached to the tap, the hosepipe wouldn't fit, someone mentioned how hosepipes always used to fit taps, someone else says "well the problem is they just don't make taps like they used to". The circumstancial evidence is in favour of this explanation, as at the time the saying was being said, a hosepipe was needed. However hosepipes have never ever fitted taps, thus ruling out this suggestion.

Scenario 2

Due to the tap's poor build quality and general "newness", someone had just managed to accidently break it whilst washing their hands. Whilst being sprayed in the face by vast quantities of water which had been suddenly freed from the oppression of totalitarian plumbing devices the person was helpfully informed "well the problem is they just don't make taps like they used to". While I like this scenario because of the phrase "oppression of totalitarian plumbing devices" (which is an awesome phrase), I find it fatally flawed in the department of making sense, as new taps are much less likely to be pulled out by accident.

Scenario 3

The person who made the statement was a former tap-maker. Due to the globalization of the tap industry, and the general downturn in the tap-making industry, they had lost their job, and was thus bitterly angry against the entire modern tap-making world. There was nothing wrong with any nearby modern taps, but he never let that stop him ranting and raving about how rubbish modern taps are. His favourite quote was "well the problem is they just don't make taps like they used to" The problem with this scenario, is that the tap-making industry has been on the rise ever since some clever people decided that every new house has to have about 100 toilets.

Scenario 4

The taps were made of boiled sweets, thus making them practically useless for all service. The man who said the quote had just been to the loo, turned on the taps, and had them stick to his hands due to the high temperatures. As he returned to his seat and explained the gooey mess oh his hands, his friend turned to him and said "well the problem is they just don't make taps like they used to". Now while this scenario may seem crazy, it actually makes the most sense. You see on 27th march 2003, the EU passed a law insisting that all taps be made either inside the EU and under EU trading and safety standards. The only exception to this rule was for taps made of boiled sweets. This was because a little shop in Ladelshmock sold novelty boiled-sweet plumbing equipment, and they were granted licencse to continue to make these sweets under EU directive 301A.b7.II . Because of the cheapness of boiled sweets and the expensiveness of EU standard taps, people have taken to installing boiled sweet taps instead of regular taps.

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