Ten Pin Bowling, that great American sport, has to be the worst sport in the history of the world ever. Actually, scratch that, erase those words from your mind and replace them with this "Ten Pin Bowling, that great American pastime, has to be the worst pseudo-sport in the history of the world ever". The history of this activity bears witness to this. In case you were unaware, bowling started with Genghis_Khan; he used to throw the heads of his enemies into lined up spears. The story goes that one day Genghis Kahn looked down at the skull his was about to throw and realised that he had wasted most of his life. A short while later the game disappeared from history and the Province of Khwarizm was completely obliterated. The game must have survived somewhat though, because it later on re-appeared in the USA in the form of ten pin bowling.
Now you may wonder what this has to do with bowling being awful, but the observations that Genghis Kahn made 800 years ago still ring true today. Bowling is a waste of time. To prove it, take your typical amateur bowling game...
Frame 1: Ball goes in gutter both times. You make a half hearted joke about how great you are. You sit down and wait another five minutes for your turn.
Frame 2: Ball goes in gutter once and hits between one and three balls once. You make another joke about how great you are, sit down and wait five minutes.
Frame 3: At this point you're starting to worry because your reputation as a man is at stake. You score exactly what you did last time. Wait five minutes.
Frame 4: Increasingly worried, you bowl again, this time you get a grand total of nine, one short of a strike. You feel slightly smug.
Frame 5: You realise that you have to beat nine this time or you'll look a fool. So you bowl again. A grand total of four this time. Wait five minutes.
Frame 6: You bowl again, this time you've given up all hope of ever getting anything. You get a half strike. Feeling relieved for all of 30 seconds you sit down and wait for five minutes wondering how you are going to top that.
Frame 7: You realised that all your points from the first ball will be doubled. You get nothing on the first ball, and eight on the second. Five minutes.
Frame 8: You get a strike! The happiest moment of your brief bowling career is short lived though as you realise that now you are only five points behind the leader. If you get a strike again next time, then you'll become the leader. You spend the next five minutes worrying about whether or not you can get a strike.
Frame 9: You gutter it twice. Cry for five minutes.
Frame 10: You get a nine and a one, giving you an extra free ball which you promptly gutter. You end up last by three points.
And once all that is done, you repeat it all again! And those are the highs and lows of someone who is rubbish at bowling! For those good at it, it's even more boring. I once saw on blue peter a guy who could get a strike every single time he bowled. How boring must that be? What is the point in bowling if you know every time you are going to score a perfect 300? How dull must his life be?
I'm continually impressed by the sheer diversity of things covered by the Wikipedia. It's a barrel load of encyclopedic fun! The fact that it can be updated by anyone means that it has perhaps the diversest range of topics of any online thing ever. Look, in one place they have John Stott and in another The Ministry Of Silly Walks. Then Avril Lavigne and then Maynard James Keenan (Him from Tool and A Perfect Circle). It's awesome! From now on all my hyperlinks are pointing there!
You talk about Christian chat up lines and you get a bucket load of comments, and then you talk about the achievements of Christ's death from the perspective of someone who doesn't believe He rose again and Johnny Cash and you get nothing. I really do despair sometimes.
Speaking of despair (and that ladies and gentlemen, is what writers call a smooth transition), one thing I no longer despair of (at least not as much as I used to) is the level of actual genuine good music in Christian rock bands. After hearing the exciting news earlier this week that Rees (previously of Steve) was playing with a band again (albeit only temporarily it seems), yet more exciting musical goodness came in the form of Verra Cruz. I wasn't expecting much, but they were very, very good. Highlights included the first song, and the last four songs, especially the third from last song, which was played on a slide guitary type thing and sounded absolutely awesome. I'd like to say they were the best live band I've seen in ages, but I saw The Zutons last week. Still. Verra Cruz == Good!
And purely for the sake of google. it's Verra Cruz not Vera Cruz. Vera Cruz bad. Not Vera Cruz.
I'm giving a talk on Easter next Tuesday and I'm in need of some inspiration. If you aren't a Christian would you kindly comment and offer any suggestions you have as to why Good Friday is considered Good by Christians, seeing as that's the Friday Jesus was killed on. If you are a Christian, could you kindly refrain from commenting on the issue till some indefinate point in the future. Thank you.
NB. For those who prefer to recieve it in computer language: <?php if ($christian == no) {echo "$mycomments";} else {if ($marksayso==yes) {echo "$mycommentsiheldbacktillnow";} else { die('I don\'t have anything to say');} } ?>
I know you're all sitting at your computers thinking, "Oh my! What would I do with all the time I spend sitting at this computer here if I didn't have iamsparticus to read every day? If only there was some way to show my appreciation for all the hours I've been amused!". Well now, for the first second time ever, there is a way to show your appreciation! Johnny Cash: The Man Comes Around via my wishlist.
Unlike those crazy buddhist monks 1 appreciation will be expressed through means of song. Possibly.
1: Buddhist monks don't say thank you for alms they recieve as that'll only negate any good karma (which I never understood, because isn't karma bad? Crazy Buddhism).
...that if I write here I might actually remember to blog about.
One of those is a lie.
While I'm at it, 'Things I've got to get done on this website, let alone what I have to get done on any other sites'
So that's me done. Anything else anyone wants doing?
Seeing how popular Christian chat up lines are, I feel I need to help fill this market. In future posts I shall be exploring the dynamics of how the chat up a Christian woman (Covering such topics as 'when is it right to tell her God told me in a vision we'd get married?' and 'What do I do if it turns out she's not a premillennialist?'). As for now all I recommend is that you read Single Women: Challenge to the Church? which while being about how single women shouldn't be stigmatised in church, because of the topic manages to be the most comprehensive treatment of single Christian women ever.
Change your design!
After hours and hours of far harder than it should have been work, I've overcome teething difficulties to finally release a way to select the design you want!
When trying to write code for a website, it's a good idea not to name all your variables exactly the same thing, they don't like it and get all cantankerous. It's also a good idea not to call the same variable different things, it then gets cantakerous, and all it's friends get jealous. Actually it's best not to call them at all, as they may get offended. Instead leave them in a corner and ignore them, they'll just die at the end of the ?> anyway. Using $_GET, $_POST, $_COOKIE and $_PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEWORK seem to help somewhat. Variables seem to still have some respect for them, unlike those cursed auto_globals. Whoever thought they were a good idea to have on by default was one crazy person. That's like filling a country with hundreds of dangerous animals by default and then asking someone to pick up their babies and poke them with a stick for fun.
It's also not a good idea to ever hit the ' key without first triple checking whether or not you really, really have to. It's not that the ' key isn't a nice key, it is. It's very helpful, however that's probably where the problem lies. In an attempt to overcome the stubborness of its variable friends it becomes far to helpful. Even the trusty semi-colon won't shut it up properly. It's like one of those hostesses (never hosts) who, to make up for the fact that her child are being surly and making evil eyes at you, plies you with so much cake and tea that you start to swell outward like Violet Beauregarde (without the purpleness though).
Now all I need to do is rename everything else (and everything else will love that), delete all the cookies that have been set and pat myself heartedly on the back knowing a good job has been done by all concerned. Hooray!
So I said I'd give up something for lent and last Thursday (What's that? Ten days late?) I finally decided what.
Ladies and Gentlemen... I have decided to give up...
"Being mean to people for the purpose of humour, even if I know they can take it and it will be very funny"
It's something I do frequently, from the minor "you smell" to the middling "Have a nice day and try not to die horribly" to the major "Could you try to get beaten to bloody pulp by killer rabid apes". While none of this is malicious or done out of spite, and I do endeavour never to do it if it will hurt the persons feelings. However, occasionally it does. Therefore, I have decided to give it up. So no more witty insults from me for another few weeks.
So Rowan Williams talks about the Pullman book's plays in the Guardian. The play versions of the books, which are incredibly anti God, are praised by Rowan and he says they should be on the R.S. syllabus. He manages to word this in a way that will annoy nearly every Christian, yet his underlying reasons for praising it are actually quite good. Basically he goes on to say, in his characteristically fuzzy style, that the plays depict a world with a God who is human, and if God is human then it's no wonder the church is in such a mess. He also says that the Dark Materials' worlds are devoid of a Saviour like we have in Christ. He recommends it as good study in R.S. of why God has to be greater than humanity, and without it's flaws, and why there needs to be salvation. At least, I think that is what he is saying.
This then, is the reason he annoys me, because it seems that whenever he makes a good, valid, biblical point he says it so obtusely and unhelpfully that no-one can be blamed for taking it the wrong way.
A: "I don't know how to answer this question, are you sure you can't put a maybe?"
B: "Sorry, got to be a yes or no."
A: "Oh, but I don't know! I can't choose!"
B: "Well what's the question?"
A: "Do you find it hard to make decisions?"
B: "Just put yes."
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words. How ironic.
( This is the best site ever! The largest list of phobias I've ever seen!. Zemmiphobia? Oh yeah!)
I got the Longview album and the Simple Kid1 album t'other day. The Longview one is good in a predictable sort of way. Sort of 'well I could see that coming, but it's very nice that it came along anyway'. Like Travis, or Oasis or something. It's good.
The Simple Kid album though, is freaking awesome! The guy is a lunatic, but a very cool one. Yay for lunatics! Woo yeah! I have decided to go home at Easter now simply because he's playing the Cardiff Barfly on the Friday the 16th of April (you should all go too).
1: Why are bands obsessed with having Flash websites? Don't they care for those without flash? Or with slow old pokey modems? What's wrong with doing it with regular html and css and stuff? Respect to Kinesis for bucking the trend
Inspired by Nosila
My Vans Off The Wall Skate Shoes (2000- 2003 retired) . I cannot skate, nor do I want too. However, when I was in a Vans outlet store one day, and saw these shoes, I wanted them. They look like those converse all star shoes, were a size too big, stuck out too far, but they were so cool. I got them for a tenner back in 2000. Now, thanks to Jackass, Avril Lavigne and the resurgence of all things skate punk, they are going for fifty quid. Unfortunately because I only paid a tenner for them, I treated them as my trashy shoes that I used for everything. They went mountain biking, canoing, climbing. For a time they were my only pair of dark shoes, so they went to school as well. Soon, they got so trashed that I only wore them at gigs (they had the unique advantage of not being able to ever fall off your feet, even without the laces done up). Their last use was at the Cooper Temple Clause gig on February 12th, 2003. I'm going to try to resurect them by means of a shoe shop next time I go home. I live in hope.
Got these in the same outlet store. Wore them for three years when I wasn't wearing my other pair of vans. Nothing special apart from super comfy. Still, I was quite emotionally attached to them.
I got these for walking, suprisingly enough. They are brown, and very funky. They started to fall apart after a few years, and I retired them when our Duke Of Edinburgh Awards Tutor Person told me off for wearing them with the thread coming out. I still have them, but I doubt they can be fixed.
Got these in Norwich to replace my falling apart other shoes, took a bit of breaking in, but they are very very funky. And Brown. And possibly suede. I like that word.
Getting these next week hopefully. I'm not sure what make, or what type, but they'll be so cool. Cooler than a cool thing in the cold (a polar bear possibly?). Expect me to scale many a wall wearing these babies. They'll be ten percent off to, as the outdoors shop is over the road and we are forever accepting parcels off them from el postie as they all have a lie in and don't open til 9:30.
So, after sorting out what I owed, getting a vague apology and paying it off, I thought it would all be over. Obviously not. My parents found a message on their answer machine (they still had yet to work out the art of ringing my phone) which asked me to ring O2 to sort out my credit details. So I did, the guy apologies because he forgot to ask for the security code. I give it, I hang up, the end. A week or so later, my parents found a message on their answer machine (they still had yet to work out the art of ringing my phone) which asked me to ring O2 to sort out my credit details. I ring the guy up, he says that my card didn't clear. Crikey! I think. Or I would have thought if I didn't know how much money was in my account. So I ask him to check the details, he does, they're correct. I say I'll go talk to my bank. My bank says that no-one has tried to charge me anything of that amount in the last three weeks, and that O2 or O2 online haven't billed me anything at all in the last three weeks. They say their is no reason for my card to be turned down.
So I ring the guy up again, he agrees to put my card through again. He later on rings me (on my mobile, finally) and tells me it when through. Hooray! Now that should be the last I hear of them right? Only I check my e-mail later that day to find an e-mail from a O2 customer support agent apologising for the time it has taken them to get back to me (between two months and three weeks, depending on which e-mail they are replying too) and saying I need to sort out my complaint with the debit collection people.
I'm tempted to ignore her, but I know if I do it'll just get worse. So I'm going to e-mail her back, and tell her everything. I look forward to hearing her reply (which I imagine, will come in four or five weeks time).
Like I say, some people have had no problems with O2 online (*cough* Alasdair *cough*), however I have had lots, and these are merely factual accounts of how things happen.
Sorry I've been posting so infrequently as of late, it seems to be the current hip thing to do. Doing a job, a degree and qualifying as a youth worker all seems to be tying me down. They all go hand in hand generally but sometimes the increases of the different aspects all coincide. Things like blogging, designing new skins and working on side projects, and all the time I actually get off is taken up with relaxing by nailing high scores on Tony Hawk's (128,000 point combo thank-you-very-much).
So I'm taking the rest of today off (bar a fieldwork meeting) and I'm going to relax. Tomorrow blogging will resume as normal (I hope). If nothing else I'll tell you all about the latest O2 story.
This is a website by Mark Walley. If you want to find out more or get in touch, that'd be nice.
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