i am sparticus: Eponymous Asks About Cheesy American Chocolate

Eponymous Asks About Cheesy American Chocolate

Eponymous Asks:

"Why does American chocolate taste like Cheese? Hersheys Milk chocolate in particular?"

This is by far the trickiest question I have recieved so far and it took many hours of sitting in the pub drinking Fosters with my good associate Martin Montgomery (Almost B.A. Ox Brookes) to discover the truth.

Now as we all know America is 'The Fattest Nation In The World'™. This is due to a variety of different social and economic reasons, one of which is the sheer amount of fat found in their food. Obviously consuming vast amounts of fat has a very detrimental affect on health, but a little known fact is that it also have a very detrimental affect on taste. You see, thick layers of fat build up all over the tongue and the back of the throat, coating the taste buds and rendering everything nigh on tasteless. The delicate tastes of British or other European chocolates just can't penetrate the mighty layer of fat. In fact, no chocolate on earth can penetrate that mighty layer of fat.

For a few years the people of American suffered; they ate chocolate without tasting it, and cried themselves to sleep every night. Fortunately, with the discovery of the secondary tastebuds a solution was found. The hither to unknown tastebuds found in the back of the throat were set off only by certain cheesy like chemicals, a sensation that would have tasted awful if it wasn't for the thick layer of fat covering the tastebuds.

This chocolate was rushed out into the shops and for those who eat too much fat it was heaven. However for the rest of us, with our fragile un-protected secondary tastebuds, it just made us want to gag.