i am sparticus: Incorrectly Sized Straws

Mr.Moony

Bring your own straws. You bunch of moaners.

Paulo

There are two kinds of straws at my Starbucks: green straws for "tall" and "grande," and black straws for "venti." Maybe they had run out of the green ones.

Kate

you shouldve cut the straw in half and shared it, and given the others back. thats what id have done, but then im a quick thinker..

David

the last section of that post is a perfect example of why many call you a legend.

that was genius!

Starbucks

As a representative of starbucks I demand you remove this post including all comments and diagrams. There is nothing wrong with our starbucks equipment and this material is slanderous.
Thank You
Quinn. Althorn
(Starbucks Attorney)

Benjamin

OK who actually posted that last comment in a vague atttempt to be funny?

Benjamin

erm your diagram is inaccurate. The straw at an angle is longer than the straight one. At least you could be fair in your criticism...

**spot the maths student**

Starbucks

*Spot the dickhead*

David

*points at you*

Sparticus

All diagrams are purely for illustration, and not drawn to scale

Scott

I'm with Paulo. I actually work for Starbucks, and I'm pretty sure that, when given a straw with its respective cup size, the proportions aren't as bad as you think. You said the cup was about 12 cm high. It probably was the 12 oz "iced tall" cup. I know for a fact that the tall/grande straw (i.e., the one in the "green" wrapper) is not twice the size of the cup. It is reasonably less. There is a slim possibility that the straw appeared slightly too long, but that would be due to its own best fit with the larger 16 oz "iced grande" cup. But that illusion can only be accounted for by your folly and inconsideration.

What most likely happened was that you received the "venti" straw. That straw is designed for the 24 oz "iced venti" cup. This straw has an obnoxiously grand length. But I believe if you sit down to enjoy a delicious "iced venti sugar free vanilla soy extra caramel carmel machiatto", then you would find the length of said straw not only appropriate, but extremely beneficial, as you suck up every last drop of espresso and syrup tainted milk.

But the question rises: how is it that you ordered an "iced tall" drink (i.e. your frapuccino), yet you received a "venti" straw? I can offer a few possibilities:

1) Summer time is a peak season for sales. Absurd amounts of espresso drinks and frapuccinos are purchased. Among the various size selections, the "grande" size is by far the greatest seller. Since both "iced tall" and "iced grande" cups use the same size straws, the cute little straws in the "green" wrapper perish more than twice as fast as the "venti" straws. This makes it no rare occasion that a cafe, even under the best management, runs low on the straws. I guess instead of giving you no straw, your barista gave you one imperfect straw. In which case, you ought feel gratitude, for in going above and beyond the call of duty, your barista has hastened the exhaustion of the remaining "venti" straws in the store.

2) Being that it is the summer, that are a proportionally large amount of new hires. This means that many a barista will be immature in his "cafe walk." Perhaps, your barista was one such as these and, in his immaturity and ignorance, inadvertantly presented the wrong straw with your drink - but I think therein lies the problem: that you ordered a frapuccino.

3) Let's get real, Sparticus. Not only did you, in ordering a frapuccino, proclaim to the world, "I am youth. Don't give me substance and subtlety. Give me candy!" The misappropriation of straws had nothing to do with inventory. This was about judgment. And what might that be? In addition to the inherent shame in ordering, picking up, carrying around, and drinking a frapuccino, you bear the mark of the dunce with an abnormally large straw. Let this work not me time for pity on you; rather, let yourself be an example for the rest of this wicked generation, that they might turn from their ways and drink well in true fullness something like a cup of coffee, or an americano, or a vanilla latte. Drinks of complexity - not of vulgarity.

No, sir, this is not about Starbucks. This is about you and your kind. You are lukewarm; and it makes me wanna vomit. You want the coffee, but not the commitment.

Sheepie

Surely a long staw brings the drink closer to your mouth and therefore requires less effort to drink?

David

maybe the elongated straw caused it to become top-heavy, leading to an 'accident' causing mark to soil himself...

Sparticus

Scott,
I appreciate your comments and insight, especially as you work for the great Satan that is Starbucks. While I do pray for your soul, I imagine that number two happened, as the barista did looked confused and worked up. This leads me to the conclusion that she was new and had yet to undergo the rigourous mind blanking 'training' that you have undergone. From the lack of fear in her eyes, it was obvious she hadn't yet experienced the searing hellfire that comes from incorrectly handling a customer's frapuccino.
Finally, I would like to point out that it was my friend Caff who purchased a frapuccino. I purchased a grande cappucino with an extra shot of coffee.

You do however, get one thing right. This is about commitment. I can only hope that you will find delieverance from Starbucks (may the stock spend eternity slumping lower and lower) and your 'commitment to them'.

Mr.Moony

Its just a coffee shop you cnuts.

Caff

Hahahaha. Those are the funniest comments I have ever read. I think that Sparticus and Scott should meet up and have a debate about this!

Ps. The customer (ie me) is always right and I am therefore not a dunce.

Jules

Actually, there are people that want straws that long. A friend of mine has a son that has a spinal cord injury and is confined to a wheelchair. Because of his posture, a longer straw is more convenient for him. Unfortunately, I cannot find any store that sells them. Starbucks has on occasion donated some to her, so to them I thank. One man's trash is another's treasure. So.....zip it and sip it.