i am sparticus: Lying

Lying

Iíve decided that Iím going to become a professional liar. Obviously I wonít tell people that for a living Iím a professional liar as that would spoil things slightly, but I might start applying for jobs relevant to the position. If you think that my lack of qualifications for the job might hinder me, then you probably havenít grasped the nature of the job. I imagine qualifications might be a bit of a hindrance, I mean, you donít want to have anything to brag about that actually exists. As a professional liar Iím mostly looking for jobs in the newspaper business, not as news editor as some might cynically think, but as a features writer. Iíd write long and compelling pieces on the grand silence that descends during football matches as both sides of supporters, unable to bear the tension, sit transfixed by the thought of losing and winning. Iíd write articles describing the beautiful patterns rainbows make when they hit the earth and sparkle off the morning dew. Iíd expound the benefits of rubbing chip fat into your skin to improve looks and of not walking anywhere to improve health. Eventually Iíd be sacked, but being sacked by a national newspaper is a step up from my current qualifications and probably enough to land me a book deal, which given how successful my first book would be would do me for the rest of my career. This is of course, pure fiction.

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