i am sparticus: On Talking To Hairdressers

On Talking To Hairdressers

The problem I have with hairdressers is that I seem to have an odd misconception that I'm paying them to cut my hair. It turns out what you're actually paying for is someone who's willing to chat to you while giving you a free hair cut ¹. Looking at it from this perspective it's actually quite a good deal, except of course, if you don't want to have a chat. The best hairdressers seem to have the ability to gauge whether or not someone is wanting to talk, they ask a few questions and work out from the non-responsiveness of the person that they don't want to speak. It can be compared to the way someone works out if the body they've found on the floor is dead; poke it with a foot a few times and see if it moves. This science is beyond some hairdressers though and regardless of how non-responsive you act to their questions they still continue to ask them.

I had my haircut last Friday, and I got one of those last hairdressers. Actually he was more that one of those last hairdressers, he was the epitome of those last hairdressers. When hairdressers with an inability to release when not to speak get together to share stories and drink wine, this is the guy they tell stories about. About five minutes into my haircut I caved and I responsed to his questions with something more than a passive yes / no sound. He asked me about Ipswich Town Football Club and I mentioned that I thought we² might get promoted this season. Being interrogated over the positions that various Ipswich players play and whether this is the right place for them is not what I am paying for.

Footnotes

1) When I first realised this misconception I assumed that I was actually paying for some to chat to me while giving me a free hair cut that is nothing like the one I asked for. I've come to realise that this isn't quite true, you just have to ask for your hair cut in an arcane language that no one is willing to supply translation lessons for. There's a gap in the market there. If someone wants to release 'So you want to speak hairdresser?' or 'a tourist's guide to hairdresser' you've got one buyer right here.

2) I generally object to people using 'we' to describe the team they support, especially when they only casually support the team because the grounds is a three minute walk from their house and can't name any of the players, but I'm feel I might have to overlook it this time.