When unsure as to whether or not a toilet is occupied and unwilling to try the handle to find out, don't put your ear to the door to find out if it is or not. While you maybe able to determine the status of the toilet this way it might be tricky explaining why you're listening to someone pee if anyone else decides that they need to use the loo.
I could hardly have picked the records to be played at my wake without giving some thought to the funeral ceremony itself. So for the record the songs I would like sung and the hymns (Old Skool) I would like played at my funeral are:
I'd probably add some modern worship songs to that list, but I'll leave that to the service organisers discretion as they're all pretty much the same ("God Loves Me/I Love God/Let's all play GCDEA/").
I think an eulogy would be nice (did you know that the word eulogy comes from the Greek 'Eulogo' which means 'to bless?' FASCINATING) although not at the expense of a proper preach. I want someone to preach a damn fine sermon on the theme of Christian hope in the bible and while I don't want it to be evangelistic as such (if someone makes an altar call I will respond to it and it won't be pleasant) they should bear in mind all the heathens in the crowd who wouldn't be seen dead in a church normally.
I have a question. In anyone's readings of the bible can anyone find a single reference to Christians having meetings to evangelise? Because I can find things about Christians meeting together to share things, to teach each other from the bible, to help each other live out Christian lives, to eat together, to take part in communion, to sing songs (to an extent), to pray, to look forward to the coming of Christ and probably a bunch of other things I forget (like drink squash) but I can't find things about Christians having meetings for the purpose of bringing non-Christians along to so that they might hear the Gospel and be saved. Obviously, and I mean that this should be really really obvious, I don't have issue with the Gospel being told to people. I'm hard pressed to think of something I'm more in favour of than the good news of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ being told to every single person, but that's not the only thing that Christians are called to do. So it bugs me that Church meetings feel they have to be evangelistic and all 'seeker sensitive'. Why can't they be slightly more 'finder sensitive'?
I heard of some church the other day that has this as it's mission statement: "To be a church for all people". As someone I know said, "what, even the atheists?". If we're serious about church and recognise that it's something more than just people meeting together physically in the here and now, that it's an eternal thing, the bride of Christ and all, then surely church is not for all. "Church is the only organisation that exists for sake of it's non-members". RUBBISH! If church only exists for one group of people then it exists for the body of Christ. THAT'S NOT EVERYONE!
I'm happy to admit that I'm wrong on this subject (where happy == long term happiness, where I'll look back when I'm 40 and say "phew, isn't that a relief that I sorted that out when I did and go over that issue"). If someone could show me in the bible somewhere that the meetings of the church, or the meetings of Jesus' disciples, or the meetings of the nation of Israel where for the purpose of evangelism then I'd be grateful. I'd be able to sit through a lot of meetings with a lot less issues. I'd like to say I'm not specifically talking about my church here, I visit a lot of churches as part of my job and lots of them want evangelisticy type youth services. What's wrong with the current youth that you have, Eh?
Michael Spencer has something related on the subject
In a rather morbid turn of conversation in the pub last week we got round to speaking of records that you'd want to have played at your funeral. It was one of those typical pub conversations but it did get me round to thinking about what I'd want to have at my funeral. Don't worry, I'm not planning to die soon, but the thought of someone else choosing the playlist at my post-funeral party is too much to bear. As unlikely as it is that I'll die in the near future having some dreadful generic cd played at my wake is a risk I'm not willing to take.
Choosing music for your post-funeral event is not as simple as you'd think. As with any good mix tape or compilation CD there are numerous rules and guidelines to observe. First, it can't be too morbid or downbeat. There are some beautiful songs out there that could probably get everyone crying, but the hope is that they've already done the largest part of the crying earlier in the ceremony, so songs like Hurt, True Love Waits and The Scientist are all out ("Sad ceremony?" "well, it was poignant and all but what really got me crying was when they played Johnny Cash afterwards"). Second, you need to remember that you're dead. For all the talk of you at the ceremony you won't actually be there to enjoy it, therefore picking your favourite difficult songs that no-one else will know or like is also out. Say goodbye to The Edible Five Foot Smiths, 65 Days Of Static and that Smurfs Go Viking Metal album that you own. If you want to carry on educating your friends about the greatness of certain bands you can always leave them the relevant CD in your will, people probably aren't going to be in the mood to ask the DJ what song is playing anyway. Third, you want to put songs in that will make people think of you and smile. Songs that you used to sing-a-long to with your mates, songs that you saw performed live with people, songs that people here and then think of you. So that's Radiohead for me then. Fourth, don't put on anything too upbeat, it's not that you don't want people to be happy it's just that if they do start to feel happy they'll then feel terribly guilty about it and that won't help anyone. Fifth, avoid lots of cussing. This'll only be a problem with people who like records with lots of cussing in; in all likelihood they'll be the ones who'll die before their grandparents.
Additions or corrections to the rules are greatly appreciated (the playlist itself is sitting on my copy of iTunes, not that anyone will have any need of it I'm sure).
When speaking in a church two things should be remembered. Firstly when you get the congregation to discuss something among themselves (you're a hip cool youth worker who uses clever speaking techniques remember?) you should remember that the tie mic you are wearing is still on. Don't take the opportunity of the congregations focus being elsewhere to drum on the lectern and hum a little song to yourself, they will start looking at you funny and you won't realise why for a good few seconds.
Secondly, the notes that you have to speak from were written on the basis of all those hours of bible study and commentary reading that you did. There's a pretty good reason therefore not to go off your notes and onto something you just made up on the spot. Saying that you were just following the Holy Spirit's guidance is not an acceptable or theologically accurate excuse.
No extended commentary on the Brit Awards this year as I don't have the time or the energy to track down the winners and moan about them. What I will comment on though is the vague controversy surronding Joss Stone getting Urban act when she's a white middle class girl from Devon. As valid as this debate is it fails to recognise the other debate, that Joss Stone shouldn't have won over the other nominations. However valid that debate is though it's a bit pointless when you realise that the people who voted for the award were the viewers of MTV Base. I put to you, the good people of the earth, that the real debate over this whole Joss Stone Brit Award thing should be not to do with Urban Music or even music talent but instead with whether or not the viewers of MTV Base should be allowed to vote for awards such as this when they clearly have no taste or decency.
I went to Margate this weekend. How do you tell the difference between a local and a visitor in Kent? The vistor looks horrified the moment they get off the train as they realise the horrible mistake they've made in coming here, the local looks horrified the moment they get on the train as they remember exactly what they're going back to. That's probably a bit unfair, really I've been saving that joke for ages in the hope I'll visit somewhere where I can genuinely use it but as it looks like I'm not going to be visiting Liverpool any time soon I'm just going to go ahead with it now.
Margate train station is quite impressive. The high arched ceiling with its cracked and peeling paintwork, the abandoned wheelie bin blocking the main entrance, the underage kids outside smoking cigarettes. It's clever how they've distilled the entire feeling of the town into that one initial experience. Outside the view improves slightly as at least one third of the panorama is open sea and try as human's might we've yet to convert that into an eyesore. We haven't completely dropped the ball though, the remaining two thirds compensates more than adequately for the calm peaceful beauty of the sea. Imagine all the seaside charm of Blackpool and Scarborough combined then subtracted from all the seaside charm of Port Talbot (Possible taglines for Port Talbot advertising campaigns; 'Port Talbot: Nearly as glamorous as Swansea', 'Port Talbot: Where the sea and modern technology meet!', 'Port Talbot: Technically a seaside town, no matter what Goverment Health Official say', 'Port Talbot: Sponsored by the steel manufacturing and industrial chemical industries'). Think 70's British Bingo Halls designed to look like 50's American Casino halls. Think faded blue outdoor swimming pools full of rain water and leaves. Think primark stores on the sea front.
I really don't know why I'm being so scathing about Margate. Everyone I met who lived there seemed friendly and the town wasn't really that unpleasant, it's just something about it set me on edge. Maybe it was the slow train journey all the way from London that never left a residential area or entered the countryside. Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was that I just don't like Kent. Whatever.
People of Liverpool, Margate, Kent, Blackpool, Scarborough and Portsmouth I apologise for being so rude about your places of residence (I know I haven't mentioned Portsmouth at all but believe me the intention was there) but hey, I COME FROM SWANSEA.
I got rid of the disastrous attempt at web design that was the black and white design. I've replaced it with this red star design that has the advantage of not being absolutely awful. It's not perfect by any means, but I figure it's better to have a decent design that needs tweaking than an awful one that needs shooting.
In other news 'The Moon and Antartica' by Modest Mouse is a fantastic album and Hell is For Heroes are supporing Biffy Clyro in Norwich.
For those of you who couldn't care about either web design or music, here's a picture of a knitted bunny.
Today's ethical issue; is it right to photoshop a photo of yourself that's going into an organisations seasonly bulletin?
Yes up to a certain point. Removing the garish wallpaper behind you and getting rid of spots is okay (after all, they'll be gone in a week), whitening teeth, restyling hair and brightening eyes is probably pushing it. Removing your face and replacing it with Brad Pitts is definately wrong.
I have to do an essay on an ethical issue I'm facing in my placement in a few weeks time. Any suggestions of an ethical issue that might happen to conveniently 1 crop up are welcome.
MSN search officially launched today. It's rubbish. Search for "MarK Walley" and I'm number 7 or something. Search for Sparticus though and I'm number one. Kind of. http://sparticus.graphicbox.co.uk, which hasn't existed for three years, is number one. iamsparticus.com is number 39 even though the front page contains around 17 instances of the word sparticus. Even if you search for "Mark Walley" and Sparticus you still come in number 2. I'm no bitter, but it does seem somehow wrong.
Maybe no-one remembers this but a while back I challenged everyone to guess what a certain flash file was advertising (I apologise but I lost the sound in editing out the giveaway logo, that was probably the best bit). This was duly ignored, but I was reminded of it today for reasons that'll be made clear below. The intro was for a church in America - Lakewood Church- that a guy called Joel Osteen runs. The reason I'm posting this again now is that various people have started to question Joel Osteen's preaching. Normally these sorts of things are all about whether or not someone is preaching some point of doctrine correctly, y'know the sort of thing where people go 'I think he's undermining the Cross by his lack of emphasis on the fallen nature of man' or something. However for Mr./Rev. Joel Osteen the issue seems to be not a question about what he preaches but a question of whether he preaches anything at all. His talks seem to consist of 'Hey everyone, you can have a great life if you just step up and take it. God will give it to you! Hell Yeah! I mean Halleluiah! Yeah!'.
Which matters why? Well an authentic Christian is someone who wants to know God more and authentic Christian teaching is that which tells people more about God and how He affects their lives. Joel Osteen doesn't seem to be doing this. Normally, this sort of thing can be safely ignored because it just goes away and no-one cares. However this guy has the largest church in America, huge tv audiences and is seen as a bit of a spokesperson for Evangelical Christianity. I'd like to say along with many others, that this man does not represent me or the Evangelical as it is normally understood.
This is a website by Mark Walley. If you want to find out more or get in touch, that'd be nice.
Getting around this website can be a tad confusing. If you're looking to explore the better stuff of what I've written then this navigation should help you. If you're after a specific post then searching or looking through the archives chronologically may help.
This site tries its best to be accessible for everyone. Atom, and RSS feeds are available. All content licensed through a creative commons licence. I may have stolen ideas off you when you weren't looking, but it was almost certainly an accident. As with all claims of originality and ownership Psalm 24 v1 applies.