In a rather morbid turn of conversation in the pub last week we got round to speaking of records that you'd want to have played at your funeral. It was one of those typical pub conversations but it did get me round to thinking about what I'd want to have at my funeral. Don't worry, I'm not planning to die soon, but the thought of someone else choosing the playlist at my post-funeral party is too much to bear. As unlikely as it is that I'll die in the near future having some dreadful generic cd played at my wake is a risk I'm not willing to take.
Choosing music for your post-funeral event is not as simple as you'd think. As with any good mix tape or compilation CD there are numerous rules and guidelines to observe. First, it can't be too morbid or downbeat. There are some beautiful songs out there that could probably get everyone crying, but the hope is that they've already done the largest part of the crying earlier in the ceremony, so songs like Hurt, True Love Waits and The Scientist are all out ("Sad ceremony?" "well, it was poignant and all but what really got me crying was when they played Johnny Cash afterwards"). Second, you need to remember that you're dead. For all the talk of you at the ceremony you won't actually be there to enjoy it, therefore picking your favourite difficult songs that no-one else will know or like is also out. Say goodbye to The Edible Five Foot Smiths, 65 Days Of Static and that Smurfs Go Viking Metal album that you own. If you want to carry on educating your friends about the greatness of certain bands you can always leave them the relevant CD in your will, people probably aren't going to be in the mood to ask the DJ what song is playing anyway. Third, you want to put songs in that will make people think of you and smile. Songs that you used to sing-a-long to with your mates, songs that you saw performed live with people, songs that people here and then think of you. So that's Radiohead for me then. Fourth, don't put on anything too upbeat, it's not that you don't want people to be happy it's just that if they do start to feel happy they'll then feel terribly guilty about it and that won't help anyone. Fifth, avoid lots of cussing. This'll only be a problem with people who like records with lots of cussing in; in all likelihood they'll be the ones who'll die before their grandparents.
Additions or corrections to the rules are greatly appreciated (the playlist itself is sitting on my copy of iTunes, not that anyone will have any need of it I'm sure).
Done!
And I've fixed the bug that allowed anonymous comments. Now you don't have to submit an e-mail address but you do have to submit a name.
Thankyou for your response :)
Can we play the where's walley theme tune?
Like hell im going to out-live you though....
He was?
He was what?
Stop this frivolous malarkey and get studying for the quiz Mr Walley!!
Oops, I posted the 'He was' comment to the wrong post. Muppet that I am.
Playing Where's Wally at my funeral would be stupid seeing as my family would be there. You know, the people who share my surname?
Im sure they would see the funny side.
Where's Walley has a theme tune?
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Matthew
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Least appropriate song for a female funeral: "There She Goes".