Hi! My name is Mark Sparticus Walley and as a 23x105 point Calvinist I have to confess that I've struggled for a long time with an issue with my faith. No, not doctrine silly! I'm a Calvinist after all! What I've struggled with, and I know a lot of you have too, is not knowing whether or not someone is reformed enough to be worth paying attention to. Introducing: REFORMED POINTS. By calculating a person's reformed points you can work out whether or not they are a person who needs to be ignored, rendering awkward judgement calls, extended thought processes and heavy duty thinking redundant*!
Reformed points are gained whenever you carry out an activity that is considered reformed, examples of activities currently in the reformed list are: quoting Calvin, listening to sermons on your iPod, emphasising the sacraments of baptism and communion (but not unduly so, pesky catholics!), rebuking the immoral believer, and quoting from the ESV.
As well as gaining reformed points you can also lose them. Activities designated as 'un-reformed' will take away from your hard earned reformed points. Currently recognised as un-reformed activities are: ranking bible books by order of amusing story quotient, general sinning, starting a hymn by saying 'and now we come to worship', sniggering during liturgy, denying a metaphysical hell/a local church/limited atonement/that Luther was sexy, using the word sexy when not about your wife in the privacy of your own home, questioning Calvin (especially questions that involve the words 'anabaptist, put to death, bit harsh really'), asking how GK Chesterton is okay to quote in sermons but the Pope isn't and a whole load of other things!
Using our patented reformed-o-matic reader we can distinguish how many reformed points someone has and whether they cross the all important "line of orthodoxy", the line that we use to distinguish the truly reformed from the unruly reformed! Never before has distinguishing truth been so easy!
Tomorrow, we see how may reformed points some modern day evangelicals (and one surprise guest) actually have!
(8) Sweden - The Divine Comedy
It's hilarious if you know what the reformation is. Otherwise it makes no sense whatsoever. Still, that in itself is kinda funny.
I eagerly await the reformed points tally! We should work on one of those online quiz things to bring out other evangelicals' hidden Arminian tendencies too.
who what when where and why are you talking about
It's about as funny to me as a joke about block contracting domiciliary care would be to you.
On another note, Paulo, you need a new name, people may confuse you and me. I imagine that I am better than you in every way apart from modesty, so please don't do anything silly in my name.
This is a website by Mark Walley. If you want to find out more or get in touch, that'd be nice.
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Paul
Pardon?