Increasingly I'm finding charity muggers hard to avoid. I pass about three groups of three or four every week and currently I'm getting stopped about once every week. The standard tactic to avoid these muggers is to look at your feet and then as they approach start paying very close attention to the new range of clothes in Selfridges (Hippy skirts are still the in thing, starting from as little as £10). However I'm finding that this strategy is no longer working. Part of this is my fault as I keep on catching their attention out of the corner of my eye and after that I find it impossible to not laugh when they try to catch my attention and I try to blank them. You try not to laugh when a person who you'd normally see in a shop called 'Tibetan Fashion' starts charging down at you waving their hands all over the place wearing a big red bib saying 'ChildWorldAidsAid' and you're pretending that you can't see them because you're distracted by those nice new tops they've got on display, you know the ones with the buttons on the shoulder?
Anyway, the point of this all is to try to develop a strategy to safely avoid these sorts of people and by accident I've discovered a tactic that seems to work. The other day I was walking along and had a real case of awkward underwear placement syndrome. So bad was it that I wasn't keeping a vigilant eye out for any charity workers. Little did I know it, but as I walked I had been picked as a target; a dyed hair charity mugger started her approach. Closer and closer I came to her, desperately seeking a way to rearrange my underwear, blind to the threat approaching me. Closer and closer the mugger came, till she stood not ten metres away, blocking my path, waiting for me. As I crossed the last few metres she started to wave at me, and at the precise moment the itch got too much for me to bear.
At this point, I find I can't bring myself to write about how I managed to re-arrange my underwear without anyone noticing but the charity worker. No matter how hard I try I don't think I'm going to make myself change my mind on this one, so instead we're just going to skip to the bit where I feel I can resume the narrative okay?
...continued to work without another problem or worry.
(8) Let Down - Radiohead
(t) Rhiannon
(ie) phpmyadmin on my localhost (</geek>)
SOme of the Ipswich Charity collectors are very pretty and Irish and ladies. I like to talk to those ones and chat to them about their charity, I try and make them laugh (it worked once), and am really nice to them.
Then I tell them I have no money to spare whatsoever and walk off.
I've found after so many attempts at ignoring them, the best form of defence is attack and just saying "No thanks" or "Leave me alone" or if you're bored "The voices are saying kill"
Go on Mark, try it!
I say KILL THEM UNTIL THEY ARE DEAD!!!!!!!!!
This is a website by Mark Walley. If you want to find out more or get in touch, that'd be nice.
Getting around this website can be a tad confusing. If you're looking to explore the better stuff of what I've written then this navigation should help you. If you're after a specific post then searching or looking through the archives chronologically may help.
This site tries its best to be accessible for everyone. Atom, and RSS feeds are available. All content licensed through a creative commons licence. I may have stolen ideas off you when you weren't looking, but it was almost certainly an accident. As with all claims of originality and ownership Psalm 24 v1 applies.
Mr.Moony
Just tell 'em to fuck off