i am sparticus: The Attempt To Sail Ships While Retaining That Ninja Cool

The Attempt To Sail Ships While Retaining That Ninja Cool

Sailing a ship is a hard, hard business, especially when you're not used to sailing a ship. You see one of the key issues with sailing a ship is being able to walk upright on a moving boat, another major issue is the ability to communicate orders between crew members, hell, another major issue is not hiding behind the shadow of your breath whenever you see another member of your crew.

Understandably then, the attempted ninjas were ridiculously bad at sailing to the new world. For a short time there were more attempted ninjas landing on Antarctica than there were penguins (only for a very short time though, ninjas don't wear much and penguins breed very fast). Eventually over time, through some sort of Darwinian selection process, one ship full of attempted Ninjas started heading in the right direction. These successful attempted ninjas had realised one crucial thing. You can't keep on avoiding each other on a ship, you have to speak to each other. This is harder than it might seem, because the whole ethos behind being a ninja is "BE REALLY REALLY SILENT", so much so that real ninjas' vocal cords disappear to ensure they can't accidentally squeak. These attempted ninjas needed something mighty powerful to make them speak, fortunately though, they found it; GROG^*.

With the grog to open up their vocal cords, albeit only well enough to allow the basic-est of speech patterns, the ninjas found they could communicate much better. With better communications and more alcohol in their system the attempted ninjas developed a way in which they could actually see each other face to face. They reasoned that the only reason a real ninja would let him or herself be seen was if they wanted to be seen. And a ninja would only want to be seen to get more glory, or because they were about to kill the person who had seen them. Logically then they could see each other if they thought they'd get more glory in the eyes of the other person. So whenever an attempted ninja saw another they both puffed out their chests and swaggered a lot, often saying this like "GARR" to make themselves seem harder. And of course, if a ninja screwed this up and felt like he'd made a fool of himself he'd have to kill the other person. A third of the crew later and a balance seemed to be met.

Anyway, with the attempted ninjas now half speaking, half drunk and half killing on the smallest offence they found themselves on the west coast of the USA. Deciding that it looked too much like Mexico they proceeded to head South, then South some more, the East a bit, then North a lot, until they reached the sunny bay of the Caribbean, or whatever it's technically called. By this time the attempted ninjas clothes had all faded and been stained by the sea. Suffering an identity crisis like no other many of the attempted ninjas began to question their very existence. After all, hadn't they left home to get more honour not lose it at sea?

Fortunately, the solution to their problems floated just beyond the horizon.

Footnotes

* If my memory (and google) serve me correctly Grog is made up of "Kerosene, Glycol acid, Artificial sweeteners, Sulfuric acid, Rum, Acetone, Red dye #2, Scumm, Axle grease, Battery acid, znd/or pepperoni".

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