Yesterday, on my first ever driving lesson, commenting on my tendency to drift out to the edge of the road;
Instructor: "As this bus approaches I just want you to look straight ahead at the road, don't look at the bus, Just focus on the road and staying in the middle of your lane and you'll be fine. Don't look at the bus."
Me: "I am a leaf on the wind."
Instructor: "What?"
So I'd just come back from staying at a monastery1 So I've spent the last few days sorting out a website for something I do at work and one of the things that was bugging me was how to enable the front page to stay updated. I geeked out and coded this login at the bottom and be absolutely awestruck.
In other really really awfully pointless news for everyone who's not me or who I don't owe a round or ten of drinks to2 I'm trying to get some web design work with various companies in the area. So far I've e-mailed the ones who look good, next week I'll start on the ones who look alright.3 One reason I tell you this is so that someone can go "Wait, why don't you just design my website for me and I'll pay stacks of cash reasonable amounts of money?". Another reason I tell you this is so that you can spend the next ten minutes trying to guess where I put my CV on this website. I'm not linking to it because it's got my phone number and postal address on it but if you find it you can feel content in the knowledge that you're not absolutely awful at guessing.
1 Apologies, but that's a hilarious joke for me and possibly mildly funny for one other person. For the rest of you drawing blanks; sorry I'll make crazy-mad in-jokes that only you'll get tomorrow, so read closely.
2 Your in-joke day came early. Congratulations.
3 Except your company, I accidentally missed them of because I was blown away by how good they are.
Last night I trekked over to the Norwich Waterfront to see The Cooper Temple Clause play there first real dates since last September. As the purveyors of the best gig I have ever been to the anticipation level was high, something not even pages of Greek homework to do on to the train could dull. Soon after doors opening the venue was half full and wonderful allstars (warning, link redirects to an irritating automatically playing music loaded myspace page) gained an abundance of bonus rock points in my eyes by becoming the first support band I've seen to come on, start playing and have no-one notice. And then be really good. That, noisy keyboard sounds and relatively few pairs of Converse shoes in the bands was a good way to start the night.
The Race were even better, being probably the most joyful band I've seen in a long time. Also, with their use of a xylophone, their female guitarist and their 'everyone clap your hands in the air' song they get a squillion bonus rock points. Result.
Two awesome support bands then, how often does that happen? Unfortunately the immovable laws of rock gigs that exist in the heavens object to these sort of things, and so it was no real surprise that The Cooper Temple Clause were absolutely terrible. No. Wait. I've just realised, there are no immovable laws of rock gigs that exist in the heaven. Hooray then for THE GREATEST LIVE BAND IN ALL THE COUNTRY1 The best thing is that people are dancing at gigs again, everyone dance to Panzer Attack.
In a relevant post-script, as I was scribbling this down on the train home a group of teenagers who were at the gig were sitting over the aisle. This is their actual dialogue:
Boy: "The Race were good"
Girl: "Which one were they?"
Boy: "Err the first?"
Girl: "You don't know?"
Boy: "I only support them because they added me as a friend on myspace"
1 Okay so I've think I've previously been quoted as saying that Idlewild are the best live band in the country and on balance I think that they probably are, but I'm excited so you can excuse the hyperbole. Number two is no bad thing.
Zen Out: To go beyond any emotions or feelings about something, esp. when you previously had very strong feelings about the subject.
I've decided I've completely zenned out about NME. While I was still in school I use to read NME quite regularly, it kept me up to date on music and it had nice interviews and features and an awesome gig listing in the back. However, over the years it dropped a lot of the objective journalism and settled more for tabloid sensationalism. Somewhere between the reviews of albums that failed to mention what the album sounded like and the articles that spent more time on the lead singer's hair than his band's ability. I bought NME for the last time on the 17th of October 2002, giving it up after reading a four page article on The Libertines that said that it wasn't about their music, or about their live performances, but about their style.
Because NME are so powerful in alternative music, they can make or break bands. Enough hype and the worst band can get into the top twenty, which they frequently seem to do. The focus on one sort of genre and attitude has left a lot of good bands without any publicity. They inspire a lot of ire. Or they did at least. Lately I've come to the realisation that they're only a company who are out to make money, and if they make more money reporting on one specific music scene than they do on publicising good new music so be it. I wish they didn't, but they do. I'm now zen with the idea.
I'm firmly convinced that Flickr is the fourth greatest thing on the internet right now. The two things that convince me are this.
One: Someone stencils Jesus on the cross outside our church with the words thirsty beneath it. It turns up on Flickr by the man who stencilled it. Skills
Two: Yesterday I get a comment from a random stranger, I go to his photostream and there is a photo of a place I saw for the first time ever yesterday. It follows me around
Some how I managed to break the comments on the entry below. I shouldn't play with MySql when I'm tired. If you have something to say on creationism please say it. I'll argue what I believe later and from all the learning we'll all be better for it.
The independent yesterday had an article about faith based schools teaching creationism in schools. I have three comments on it and the subject around it. The first comment is this; could the Independent, Guardian, Channel 4 and other generally more left-wing media agencies please stop treating all evangelical movements as some infection we picked up when we slept with America on the Iraqi war? Evangelicalism has existed in this country for as long as America has and elsewhere for longer. The first settlers of America were English evangelical puritans leaving Britain to avoid persecution. Granted we've picked up a lot of cultural habits from our dear American brethren, some maybe not so great, but evangelicals aren't new to these shores and it'd be nice if you stopped treating us as so. Secondly, stop treating all evangelicals as some deep dark fundamentalist live in a cave type people. I'm not even sure what I mean by that, but that's because I think neither do you. (Today's headline: Holy Terror. What exactly does that have to do with creationism?) Fundamentalism is a scary word, and levelling it at anyone who thinks you'd be better off knowing God and wants to tell you so is neither fair nor correct.
My third comment is addressed to those Evangelicals teaching creationism in schools. Please stop.
I should probably expand on that another day.
Gosh, it's been a busy last few days so far. At some point, I'll tell you how I ended up standing in a park yesterday meditating on a speed camera, but for now I thought I'd update you with all the news I missed over the last few days.
Thom Yorke is doing a solo project called The Eraser. It promises to be more electronic than general Radiohead stuff which sounds nice. the website allows you to enter your e-mail address and a password, which I duly did on the assumption that it would gain me more love from Thom Yorke. I hope he's not using the information to login into my flickr account and post his holiday photos from Skegness.
Speaking of e-mail accounts, The Cooper Temple Clause e-mailed me while I was gone asking me to download their new pop song which is available on drownedinsound. At first I thought this was too good a piece news to be true and then I realised that if I considered this too good a piece of news to be true then I'd have no expressions to ever use if I found a true love, or where my pyjamas went too.
Speaking of releasing glitchy music, your favourite glitchy post-rock post-lyrics musical torrent of noise 65daysofstatic are releasing Drove Through Ghosts To Be Here free! That's lunacy because it's easily my favourite song of their latest album. It also comes with a shiny video that's is kicking around on their website.
Speaking of e-mails (which we still are, stay with me), a certain organisation in the area dropped me a line to tell me about a shed-load of jobs that have appeared recently that all involve part-time youth work hours till Christmas. I believe this is a good thing. Watch me apply for them!
Finally, in the only non e-mail related news I've found out since finding the internet again, Apple (everyone's favourite company) have launched new laptops. They now come in a matt black finish, have glossy screens and don't require hacks to screen span. This news is important enough to me that I feel I should have been e-mailed about it, however I fear Thom Yorke has logged into my e-mail account and deleted any e-mails from Apple just to screw with my head. He's being doing that a lot lately.
Gosh, actually that wasn't finally at all. I just completely realised, I got an e-mail off a person which can only be understood if you assume that I, the person receiving the e-mail, was Mike Pilavachi from Soul Survivor. I'd blame Thom Yorke again but I don't think he gets to many Christian youth festivals.
As part of the new redesign I may have a frequently asked questions section. Maybe. If you'd like to ask a question somehow relating to me then stick it in the comments and I'll maybe bother to answer it. Remember, the questions somehow need to relate to something to do with this website and you need to ask the question twice in the comment so the fulfil the 'frequently' part of the frequently asked questions section. Legalism is the new black.
And hey, while we're at it, why not tell me what it is that you like and hate design-wise about this website and who knows, I may even listen to you.
In the biblical account of Jesus' birth before the wise men visit Jesus they tell Herod of this new king. Herod goes a bit crazy on hearing this and has every child two and under killed but not before Joseph is warned in a dream that this is going to happen. Joseph and family escape to Egypt where they remain for a while until Herod dies it. That's the biblical account of the flight to Egypt. The non-biblical account though, reads something like this.
The first thing that happens to Joseph, Mary and Jesus as they're heading to Egypt is that they're attacked by dragons. This happens all the time on the way to Egypt apparently. Fortunately they're in a cave (somehow this helps) and they have God incarnate with them. Jesus sees them off fairly sharp-ish and in response all the animals present bow down before Jesus. All except for the horse. The horse is consequentially cursed by Jesus which is why Horses always eat but are never full. Load bearing animals don't seem to have it easy from the Son of God.
After all this hubbub they set off again. Walking through the desert they get tired and dehydrated and so when they arrive at a palm tree Mary says that they should all have a sit down. Then, showing rather more inconsideration than you'd expect from the blessed virgin Mary, she immediately asks Joseph to get some dates from the top of a date tree. Joseph, showing rather more consideration than you'd expect from a man who's married to the blessed virgin Mary, points out that he'd sooner get some water so they all don't die of first. Fortunately baby Jesus commands the tree to bend down and deliver the fruit to them. Somehow this solves the problem of dying of lack of water too.
The stories then continue in the general vein of something doing something good and Jesus blessing them or something doing something bad and Jesus cursing them (the aforementioned horses, donkeys and mules get the brunt of it though Aspen trees are hit too (more "Aspens don't liking Jesus" stuff).
The only story left of note in all these is this one.
At some point the family have to hide from some pursuers. Jesus commands, either a fig or olive tree opens, and they all hide inside till the pursuers have gone, Jesus blesses the tree. This is why olives are good for you and figs taste good. Except a fig or olive tree could maybe hide a small stick, not a family of three. And figs taste disgusting. And the people pursuing Jesus are most frequently described as a "troop of Pharisees".
Today, May fourth, is the first day of the year 2006 that I will spend wearing shorts. In 2004 it was May the 16th, in 2003 it was the 7th of June and in 2002 it was the 17th of July. Hooray for global warming! (Also note how I forgot to make note of it in 2005 because I'm a fool).
Not one day goes past without someone coming up to me and going "so, Mark, what are you planning on doing next year?" and not one day goes past without me replying "something that doesn't involve working for a Christian organisation, probably working for the government" and occasionally someone will then say "really? sick of working with Christians I expect?" Just for the record; no, I'm not sick of working for, to or with Christians. I enjoy the work and it keeps me busy. I'm not terrible at it either. But I'm conscientiously choosing to quit Christian work as a whole because I don't think that it's right that I stay in it.
Let me explain: How I read the bible shows me that working full-time for God is a spiritual responsibility that is quite severe. People need to be actively called into it (however you want to define this calling) and should have the full support of a church before they undertake full-time service. This understanding of calling and the 'office' of being a Christian leader is pretty much the standard one throughout the evangelical community, with significant emphasis being placed on the selection process to become a minister in any denomination.
This is the standard everywhere except in youth work, where 'spiritual responsibility' is placed on the job description of a full-time youth worker somewhere below 'the ability to handle large numbers of pizza orders' and 'lose convincingly at pool'. Screw your prayer life, as long as you can entertain twenty young people on a Friday night then you're good to go. It's not a real ministry anyway, so why does there need to be a real responsibility?
As someone who fell into youth work and who has never felt any discernible calling I don't feel I should be in Christian ministry any more. Therefore, when my contract runs out here, I'm gone. I lead by example.
It was when the woman standing in town giving out flyers for a trendy night club evening didn't give me one for the third time that I started to realise that maybe my hobo geek chic was just hobo.
This is a website by Mark Walley. If you want to find out more or get in touch, that'd be nice.
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