i am sparticus: Mediaeval Legends Of Christ: The Flight To Egypt

Mediaeval Legends Of Christ: The Flight To Egypt

In the biblical account of Jesus' birth before the wise men visit Jesus they tell Herod of this new king. Herod goes a bit crazy on hearing this and has every child two and under killed but not before Joseph is warned in a dream that this is going to happen. Joseph and family escape to Egypt where they remain for a while until Herod dies it. That's the biblical account of the flight to Egypt. The non-biblical account though, reads something like this.

The first thing that happens to Joseph, Mary and Jesus as they're heading to Egypt is that they're attacked by dragons. This happens all the time on the way to Egypt apparently. Fortunately they're in a cave (somehow this helps) and they have God incarnate with them. Jesus sees them off fairly sharp-ish and in response all the animals present bow down before Jesus. All except for the horse. The horse is consequentially cursed by Jesus which is why Horses always eat but are never full. Load bearing animals don't seem to have it easy from the Son of God.

After all this hubbub they set off again. Walking through the desert they get tired and dehydrated and so when they arrive at a palm tree Mary says that they should all have a sit down. Then, showing rather more inconsideration than you'd expect from the blessed virgin Mary, she immediately asks Joseph to get some dates from the top of a date tree. Joseph, showing rather more consideration than you'd expect from a man who's married to the blessed virgin Mary, points out that he'd sooner get some water so they all don't die of first. Fortunately baby Jesus commands the tree to bend down and deliver the fruit to them. Somehow this solves the problem of dying of lack of water too.

The stories then continue in the general vein of something doing something good and Jesus blessing them or something doing something bad and Jesus cursing them (the aforementioned horses, donkeys and mules get the brunt of it though Aspen trees are hit too (more "Aspens don't liking Jesus" stuff).

The only story left of note in all these is this one.
At some point the family have to hide from some pursuers. Jesus commands, either a fig or olive tree opens, and they all hide inside till the pursuers have gone, Jesus blesses the tree. This is why olives are good for you and figs taste good. Except a fig or olive tree could maybe hide a small stick, not a family of three. And figs taste disgusting. And the people pursuing Jesus are most frequently described as a "troop of Pharisees".

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