i am sparticus: Postman Pat Vs Fireman Sam

Postman Pat Vs Fireman Sam

Andy asks:

"Who would win in a fight between Postman Pat and Fireman Sam?"

Ah, the classic "who would win in a fight" question. Since the dawn of time man has mentally waged one animate object against another in the struggle to work out the fundamental question of life; who can kick the most ass? Homer posed the question when he threw the Achaeans against the Trojans, Shakespeare pitted the Montagues against the Capulets and Franklin W. Dixon the Hardy Boys against the pirates, or possibly the smugglers. Sometimes the fights have been spectacularly mismatched and the outcomes have never needed debating sometimes things have been so close that no-one dares side one way or the other (He-Man versus Lion-O?). Unfortunately for stop-motion fight bookies this current paring falls into the former category; Fireman Sam would clearly kick Postman Pats ass. What follows is an unpleasant, but necessary, breakdown of why Pat is doomed.

Fireman Sam is a Fireman. Postman Pat is a postman. If there is an emergency and you need to get hold of a fireman you dial 999 and then say "fire brigade please". If there is an emergency and you need to get hold of a postman do you turn on your computer, go on the internet, look up your local post-offices phone number, get put on hold for thirty minutes and then get mysteriously disconnected. Do you know this doesn't matter? Because no-ones wants a postman in an emergency. Firemen regularly run around, cart big heavy hoses up high ladders and pick up people and carrying them out of burning buildings. Fireman Sam by all accounts is an expert in all this. Postman Pat drives around in a van all day dropping off letters to people. Occasionally he has to pick up the odd bag of mail or drop off a package to clearly visible strain. It's debatable whether it's physically possible for him to actually hurt Fireman Sam.

If we try and balance things out by allowing them to use their vehicles in the fight then things just become further stacked against Pat. Pat does have a very shiny red post van, but then Sam does have a very shiny red massive fire truck. You could further try to balance things out by allowing Pat to use his implements of the trade; a bag and a black and white cat, but then you've got to let Sam have his implements of the trade; a protective suit, a powerful hose and a fireman's axe. For all the damage a black and white cat could do my money is still going on the man with an axe.

Of course, once Fireman Sam's dispensed of Postman Pat there are going to be reprisals from the greater Greendale community. They seem a close bunch and I doubt they'd let one of their own get beaten on in that way. Pontypandy has got Sam's back though so any action that's coming his way has got to get past them and in a fight between a sleepy Yorkshire village and a Welsh town with five firemen isn't going to be much of a fight.

Postman Pat is not without complete disadvantages though. He's got the advantage of height on Fireman Sam and lacking a neck he's impossible to strangle, but these are small things in light of his greater fighting deficiencies. You lose Pat. You lose.

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