Predictions For Next Year (Delayed)

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(If you get three in a row correct you win a expenses paid holiday!)

January

January blues leads to unproductiveness, unproductiveness leads to boredom, and boredom leads to Wikipedia. Alas, though, a freak fire at the server plant causes the website to go down for three days, preventing anyone from updating Kitty Pryde's page to reflect the fact that in Uncanny X-Men #312 the writers killed off her dragon. Riots are only averted by the timely release of Battlestar Galatica Series 5 and the fact that no-one could find any clean trousers.

Febuary

Finally loses that pesky silent r.

March

Sees the beginning of the end. Of Death. Defying Stunts. Over Sharks. Lawsuits and animal rights complainers close them all down apart from one in China.

April

Invitations to add facebook applications overtake spam e-mails for the first time. Thousands hug their friends. Over facebook.

May

National line-dancing month arrives, and with it all pomp and ceremony is forever turned on it's head. The queen now line-dances to open parliament, the new president line dances up the White House steps and on TV, Batman line dances with the Joker. The world isn't necessarily a better place, but it does become a simpler place.

June

They start shooting the people who refuse to dance.

July

For the seventh year running, global warming fails to stop the Thames freezing over. Newly elected Mayor of London Sam Allardyce promises to turn Regent's Park into a fridge and CRT land-fill by 2020.

August

Reading, V, and Glastonbury all get off to a rough start (Glastonbury through a strange time-paradox) when no-one turns up. 100,000 touts and a low supply and demand market mean that the only people who see the Killer's Friday night headline set are soundmen, bouncers and three old ladies who thought they were buying the big issue.

September

Rock finally realises it could kick paper's ass if it had to. Scissors takes up drinking.

November

Your mum jokes become old and tedious. Dad's bear the brunt of punchlines for a few weeks before paraplegic children make a revival (alas, not in the happy way though).

December

World ends. etc...


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