i am sparticus: Words

Waiting

The fianceé gets back in from the North in about half an hour, and so, in ten minutes I shall leave here to go rescue her. From the train station. Things I've have learnt in the time I've spent browsing the internet while waiting:

The first chapter from my Father's new, and last in the series, book is up on the internet for all to read now. You should read it, but perhaps order the first two off Amazon first, because you'll spoil a bit of the extract. I probably should mention more about those books, because they're very good and I finished the last one ages ago reading through the medium of Microsoft Word and I would have read it again had I not valued my eyesight so highly.

That is all I learnt though, because after reading and writing that I ran out of time and now have to go and find the fianceé, but I think I'd rather do that than go on looking at the internet.

Live Blogging The Hazard Perception Training Video

• "Have you got your headphones on?" YES, and they are from the eighties.
• "Some of these hazards might develop"... INTO MONSTERS
• You only have to click on the hazards when they develop into things you will have to respond to.
• Little red flags will magically appear.
• Pedestrian
• Car
• Cyclist
• "That cyclist, what is he going to do?"
• OH MY WORD, He looked over his shoulder!
• SLOW DOWN!
• CHANGE DIRECTION!
• CLICK!
• Car
• Car
• CAR PULLING OUT!
• SLOW DOWN!
• CHANGE DIRECTION!
• CLICK!
• Car
• And repeated, but this time in silence, a bit like the tweenies.

My Eyes PJ My Eyes

Is a quote that was never actually said. I'm relieved I can't find Geoff being told anything about the grove being on fire.

Old Notes

Found while clearing out an old notebook today; notes from various meetings:

• "Never caught who does graffiti but you've got to assume it's youth"
• Just referred to passive begging as a "more visible problem".
• A lot of questions are asked in meetings because people haven't listened properly, read the information, or worked out how to use Google.
• BRING TAZER TO MEETING

Prosperity

Why this awesome Piper video works against the evil of the prosperity gospel is because he does not argue like some that God will give us everything, just not everything yet but in everything heaven. He believes this, but this is not the argument, because this argument says "what is wrong is not that you want all this stuff, but the timing of this want". What should be argued is that the prosperity gospel is wrong because you want stuff, not Jesus. The prosperity gospel is horrific idolatry.

Glasses

Things I Would Miss Were This Country To Come Under Sharia Law

Part of a two part series

• Bacon.
• Beer.
• Freedom of conversion.
• My hands.

A Graph of My Breakfast Cereal Contents

Things I Wouldn't Miss Were This Country To Come Under Sharia Law

Part of a two part series

• Nuts, Zoo, and other similar magazines.
• Heavy petting in Regent's Park.
• Sainsbury's basic lager.
• Fosters.
• Feeling bad about not having shaved in the morning.

Post-Live-Blogging Torchwood (Via BBC iPlayer)

• Why would you watch your dead colleague's (who you either had an affair with or wanted to) autopsy?
• Stop shouting Jack.
• Why did you just kick down a church sign? No seriously Jack, you just booted over a church sign.
• Oh, I see, because there are space aliens living in the church. Right.
• I thought it was buried under the church, not in a box in the vestry.
• Ten points to Gwen for pointing out that using the glove is a bad idea.
• Imagined conversation "Owen! You're going to die in two minutes! Again! We forgot to invite your parents!"
• Well done, you've killed your number two twice now.
• Jack, you just scratched your head with the glove of semi-eternal life.
• Ooh, the glove is ominously moving...
• Why is everyone so easy with the holding of the non-resurrection glove?
• Did we ever find out what happened to the weevils?
• Ooh, toast has popped up.
• Owen is taking being undead very well.
• Re: Jack's attempt to be Christ last year, I never saw the episode where he returned, but did he come back to save his people and bring judgement on his enemies?
• Ooh, Owen just had a "I'm a ghost and fading into another dimension and there is a monster after me". Didn't Spike do this in series 5 of Angel? That's not rhetorical, it was episodes 2-5.
• Owen needs the toilet?
• Joss Whedon did it much better.
• He also had the whole possession thing down better too.
• HA! He doesn't need the loo!
• Jack; shouty or mysteriously quiet.
• Owen can drink Guinness?
• A weird Japanese advert just set Owen off? Seen that before too.
• Why is a girl trying to sexually assault Owen in a nightclub?
• Oh, we found the weevils!
• HA! He can't drink Guinness!
• That's more than a pint.
• Do you think that's air your breathing?
• Wait, checking CCTV on the undead guy running away from you is a bad thing?
• Comedy chase up a multi-story carp park.
• Multi-story or multi-storey?
• "We should be able to play the translation through the computer speakers." Oh well, isn't that happy.
• Jack's going to get jealous now there's another Messiah, even if Owen is a weevil Messiah.
• Let me guess, Jack is going to give Owen 12 lives.
• No, nuking them from orbit is the only way to be sure. Though cremation would probably also work.
• Wait, we're going to kill Owen again. Three times in two episodes is better than Jack is managing. This programme must surely have the highest ratio of death / not actually dying.
• I'm glad Ianto hasn't done anything this episode, I don't really know how to spell his name.
• Also, freezing him in carbonite would probably work.
• Now they're ripping off Alien?
• Jumping off that building Jack likes standing on might work too.
• Ha! Predictable face-hugger action.
• Owen's dead again. That should be a website; is Owen dead? YES
• You might want to avoid the black plague goo stuff too.
• The reason you die isn't the plague Martha, it's sin.
• "Ianto, we need answers!" - should have probably asked that sooner shouldn't you Jack.
• Also, thirteen dead people who were mostly dying anyway? Worst apocalypse ever.
• "Ianto, I need you to crack into the hospital mainframe" - Wasn't he getting answers?
• "Is that you under there?" - NO, IT'S DEATH obviously.
• Death can cut the power! And not in a metaphorical way.
• So behind you.
• Oh no, actually in-front of you. Clever boys.
• Also Death can close the doors! And not in a metaphorical way.
• Wait, if thirteen die, death can stalk the earth forever? Uh, I think there is something wrong with that statement in regard to what death was doing before he's killed thirteen people.
• "People who believe can beat death?" Er. Uh. No. No you can't.
• iPlayer crash!
• Uh, so Death can't walk through locked doors?
• Ianto has provided no answers. Poor Ianto.
• "You can never really beat death" FINALLY, some sense.

Post - review - review:

Silly nonsensical action, followed by far too speedy unresolution, made worse by the fact that somehow every believe avoiding death was possible. You cannot avoid death members of Torchwood. Death is a curse on all mankind.

Better names for sainsbury's basics clingfilm:

• touchfilm
• patfilm
• dab-lightlyfilm
• youleft?film
• i'llpretendi'msadtoseeyougobuti'msecretlyeyeingupyourdeskfilm

Bike

I found out that geek comic xkcd¹ wrote a comic about me fixing my bike from the past somehow. I guess it's easy to draw a time machine in a comic or whatever. Anyway, I managed to take off the chain, clean all the parts, re-grease all the parts, put the chain back on, re-grease the bits I missed, get the bathroom covered in grease, spin the wheels, realise that the chain doesn't go that way around, take the chain off, lose a section of chain, put the chain back on, realise that the chain does go that way around, but not that way around, take the chain... you get the idea. Still, my bathroom is really really clean now.

¹ XKCD is all creative-commons non-commercial, that's just really swell.