Arriving in the post last week was the London Elects "what the candidates stand for" booklet. The nine major candidates get a two page spread each, which means, at some point last week, seven and a half million people got a book through the door telling them the British National Parties Election Manifesto (The BNP, the only party to include the phrase "because it's not racist..." on their manifesto). But don't worry about clicking through to read it because here is it below:
Dear Fellow Londoner
Please read on to find out what I mean by 'Fellow' and by 'Londoner'
Remember London the way it used to be? Clean, friendly and safe. A capital city with a great sense of community - a good place to live and work.
Remember London the way it was in your head? The one that exists if you elide out, the Roman invasions, the Viking invasions,The Norman invasions, The English invasions, London bridge falling down, London bridge pulled down, the rampant overcrowding, the riots, the riots:, the riots, the riots, the riots, the riots, the riots, the riots, the riots, the riots, the crime, the three hundred years of plague, the two years of really intense plague, the fire, the Blitz, the terrorism, and
the terrorism (which we'd encourage you to forget was done by relatively indigenous white people of the British Isles).
If you would like to see London like this again, then support the British National Party - the only party that wants to put real Londoners first.
We can certainly guarantee riots when we get elected.
As Mayor I will make sure that people like you - the real Londoners - are put first. Asylum seekers and illegal immigrants are engulfing London and are put before you when it comes to housing and hospital care, and are given millions of pounds in benefits.
As Mayor I will make sure that people like you - unless you're an illegal immigrant or an asylum seekers, which let's face it, are exactly the same thing - are put first
Enough is enough, I will make sure that the people who have paid into the system are housed before immigrants - it's only fair.
Oh, and also immigrants are the same as illegal immigrants. Did I mention that asylum seekers and illegal immigrants are the same thing too? And everyone knows immigrants don't pay tax.
You and I know the cost of public transport is too high and as Mayor of London I will give all our pensioners 24 hour travel passes... free!
You and I know that the current mayor is offering this if he gets re-elected, as our several other candidates, but I used an ellipsis and bold type and an exclamation mark! And also I wouldn't give it to immigrants.
Isn't it time we put our own people first
Please don't follow that logic if you're not white.
Please use your vote for change, a change for the better - to put our people first and to make London great again.
We're stockpiling plague.
Richard Barnbrook, BNP Mayoral Candidate
I am as high as a kite.
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Daring Fireball reference!